One Third of My Light Is Gone

"...And the fourth angel sounded the trumpet, and the third part of the sun was smitten, and the third part of the moon, and the third part of the stars, so that the third part of them was darkened. And the day did not shine for a third part of it,, and the night in like manner." --Rev. 8:12

I have three sons. One of them is in the spirit world. On October 26, 2009, one third of the light in my life went out forever.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Patty Lekawa

In December 2009. Ray visited a foot doctor.  The conversation eventually led to Maris, and the doctor mentioned that his wife had consulted a medium named Patty Lekawa.  It had given her much comfort, answered questions she had, and helped her make sense of things.


We telephoned Patty soon after the doctor told us about her.  Her husband answered the phone, and talked to us for a while. (His name is "Pat" so when you call, you will talk to Pat or Patty...usually Pat.)


He said people who take their own lives tend to feel better as soon as they are out of the body that was causing them so much misery, often doe to faulty brain chemistry.    He said sometimes these spirits do not have much to say at first because they feel embarrassed about the decision they made.  But of course they do not know that at the time, all they want to do is stop the pain.


He told me Patty requires people to listen to an aaudio tape before their first visit, so they can know how Patty works, and what to expect.


he also told me to write a letter to Maris the night before I visit Patty.  I brought along Maris's dog tags because Ray thought Patty would need to handle them to connect with Maris.


This is not the case.  Patty is not doing a reading for Maris.  she is doing one for me.  That is why she wanted to hold something of  MINE not something of Maris's.  I brought along my silver ankh pendant, because it is the object with which I have been in the longest continuous contact (worn almost continuously since 1968)


It took me a year to finally take this step..


I recently paid a visit to Patty.  It was a very good experience.  I can highly recommend Patty, and am happy to refer people to her.


Patty does not allow people to tape their session with her; but she does encourage them to take notes.  She also writes down thoughts that come to her onto a yellow notepad, and at the end of the session she gives them to the client.


Here are the notes from March 18.


 Patty starts a reading by holding hands with the client and praying for healing energy.  She is a Reiki teacher.  The she  tries to identify the family relationships among the spirits who come.  She needs feedback to know she is reading for the correct person (sometimes the reading can be for someone else in the same vicinity...if that happens, she gives back the money and re-schedules the reading for another day). John Edward says some readings fail because people do not know their family tree well enough to recognize the spirit who is trying to come through.


Patty got the letters "A L" and asked me if I had a son whose name starts with those letters.


That would be Alex.


She said there was a handsome young man standing behind me saying "Hello Mother." She saw him salute, and asked me if he was in the military.  He said "I'm so glad you are here.  I couldn't wait, I couldn't wait."


(This was my first visit to a medium.  I should have asked a question here, to clarify if he meant "couldn't wait to talk to me?" or "couldn't wait any longer in this lifetime."  Next time I will know I can ask these questions either during the reading or after.)


Maris and I used to talk on the phone frequently when he was in Hawaii.    This is the longest I have ever gone without talking to him.  I couldn't wait, either.  I miss him unbearably.


Patty said her throat seemed to close up.  She said she could not swallow. (Maris's lungs were sensitive due to his experiences in the preemie nursery.  He developed asthma in high school.  The first time he had an attack we had no idea what was happening and rushed him to the ER. His throat closed up and he could not breathe.  Was this what she meant?  or was it that on his last day, his friends said  he was not speaking?  had his throat closed up?  was he not speaking because he was unable to? they said he did not talk on the phone, but sent some text messages instead.  Why?  I should have asked for clarification.)


Patty said it felt to her as if someone had grabbed her ankle, and was brushing their hands around her legs or ankles.  She asked me if Maris had something going on with his legs or ankles.


(Spirits indicate something about health or body by pointing to that part of themselves, or an another person.  the medium only conveys the info about the body part, but cannot interpret what it means to the sitter.  In this case  it was not until the next day I wondered if  the ankle referred to myself because i injured my left ankle by falling down the stairs a few years ago and it has hurt ever since.  But Maris had shin splints that caused pain when he ran.  So it seemed to refeer to both of us.)


She told me Maris said he is with us every minute.  He says "I get the cats riled up."  Patty says he plays with the cats.


She also asked me about an Egyptian connection.  Maris told her about Isis and Horus.  She asked me if Isis was the Queen.  I said that Isis was the mother of Horus. 


Patty said Maris was learning from Horus, but that Horus is under the supervision of Master Abraham.  


She said Maris was standing between my Dad and Ray's Dad. 


Patty said Ray's Mom appeared with Maris.  She blew me a kiss and a hug and said "Honey, we have him.  Do not worry."   Patty said then my own Mom also appeared and said "Hello, Dear." , Patty said Mom is a "strong stern lady." Mom blew me a kiss and hug and said "It's OK."  

Patty says I have a very big hole in my heart and Maris says "Time to heal, time to heal." Patty says I am ready to heal and I must heal. 

She says Maris is not dead. " He just took off his skin."  He is with us every moment.  He checks in on Alex and Philip often. Patty says his spirit is at our side. Maris said  "Every waking moment we are at your side."

Patty says occasionally they split up to help someone else.  But then they turn back again.  She saw maris turn and put his hands out like the Ka hieroglyph around someone, and a moment later he turned back again. She  asked about someone named Helen.  Probably Auntie Helen, my Mom's best friend.  Patty said Aunt Helen came to say hello, too.

She said Maris says "Relax, you have to relax."  Patty said to stop my "anxiousness."  i.e. "need to know"," let go of control."  She says it will be easier for Maris to come through if I relax.

Patty saw the image of a branch.  She tried to figure out which branch of the military Maris and Alex  are connected with.  She thought Marines and Army.

(The questions I wrote down to ask  were not the right ones.  I am new at talking to mediums and spirits. Fortunately Patty has been doing this a long time and asked some questions for me)

  Maris said "Yes!  Yes! there were shenanigans."

(I should have asked what he meant by "shenanigans."  This might refer to things people around him did.  The police, the military, others).  


Patty said in order to really get to the bottom of what happened, Ray and I would need to hire a lawyer, to get to the right people. Certain individuals would need to be subpoenaed. She said Maris did not want us to go through this, it would be a long expensive process and in spite of the shenaniganss, it was Maris's choice.   She asked him if the military was at fault.  Maris replied, "Not really."
Maris needs me to know  two important things:
1)  Everything is in divine order
and
2)There are no (never) any accidents or coincidences.

You can look for all the "Why's."
Maris says "Clearly I am so sorry.  I never wanted to cause you and Dad and my brothers so much pain. Please release this hurt and anger.  Mom, forgive.  Let it go now.  No blame, no guilt, no shame.  Please hear me. Please please let it go. Please release this."

Patty said she kept feeling touches on her legs...something about walking.  

(Was it about all the hikes? the shin splints? he ran so much it gave him shin splints, and took long to heal up.  Not being able to run was hard for him)

Patty sensed something about a young child and a stuffed animal.

(was it Sheepy?)

She said one of the kids had an imaginary playmate. 

 (Alex and Philip denied it was them.  Could it have been Maris?  maybe it was me.  I had many imaginary playmates.) 

Patty told me about thinking on different generational levels.  Sometimes "above" means a previous generation; "below" can mean a future generation or a child.  She said "To be a spirit child or children."  Patty thinks these playmates might not have been imaginary.  They might be spirit children of  deceased siblings.  

(I had a miscarriage in 1986 of twin girls, and one later, maybe 1987.)

Patty said she saw two boys and a girl with Maris.  She said sometimes a female with more masculine traits will come across as male.  She needs feedback to be able to differentiate.    We knew the twins were girls because the doctor told us.  We have no idea what the later one was.  Also Patty said I have a deceased brother.  I knew Mom had a miscarriage when I was very young.  Patty says it was a boy.  These spirit children are with Maris.  Maris said to Patty, "Tell her I am with her brother."  He also said "Tell my mom I am standing next to a sibling." and "Hello from Auntie Helen."

She said the spirit of Helen felt like a dear aunt. 

(Yes, that is what she was to me.  Aunt Helen had a son and a daughter.  When i was in high school, the son died mysteriously.  In retrospect, I think he was seriously depressed.  One day he was found dead on his bed.  there was a bottle of pills but no idea what they were.  This son, named Richard wojcik, was a very kind person.  At the time I knew nothing about depression.  Richard never went out of the house.  He watched TV all day, mostly baseball.  He ate way too much food.    He would sometimes call my mother and want to talk to her.  Mom was Richard's godmother.  Sometimes the phone would ring, and Mom would answer it, and no one answered.  she often speculated this might be Richard calling her but not saying anything.  When Richard died, the phone calls stopped.  I have often contemplated the similarities between Richard and Maris, and wondered if Maris might be Richard incarnated.  It might explain why Aunt Helen kept appearing in this reading.)

Spirit of another lady came through, gave the letter "E"  I do not know if this is Aunt Ev (who is still alive) or Aunt Estelle (Mom's cousin) or Emilia, who was Mom's baby sister who died around 1916-1918.  Patty said she only got an E, no other letters.  Patty saw a Star of David around this lady and wondered if there was a Jewish connection or a Jewish business thing. She had an image of them shaking hands, as if on a business deal.   No idea what this might mean.  But Patty said to do everything to enrich that relationship. Our family may have Jewish ancestors without knowing it.  My mitochondrial DNA is Haplogroup K1.

At that point, Patty told me to look out the window to see the hawk that was sitting on an electric pole outside.  What a blessing! and maybe a message from Horus.

Patty told me I need to push myself to do more healing arts or Reiki for other people.  She said this would enrich my internal growth and strengthen my faith. "Pushing Deena towards internal growth."    "Enrich you."  "Faith = believe without seeing.  Enrich your intuitiveness.

Patty asked me if I knew what spirit kisses felt like.  She said they feel like a feathery touch, a tickle on your cheek, a bug in your hair, a tickle on your nose,  or a hair you can't brush away.

Maris says, "I kiss you every day."  

Sometimes spirits express themselves as ringing in your ear, a smell of smoke, fragrance of cologne (e.g. Old Spice or Polo), cooking smells, flowers (e.g. roses or lilacs),...Spirits love to make sounds such as knocks, raps, and taps..  They also love to play with electricity, like the light, TV, phone, or radio going on and off.  Sometimes the phone will ring but the message is "no data sent;" sometimes this is spirit.    Start paying attention to these, and just acknowledge the spsirits are here.  The fragrances may have different meanings for different people.

Maris says, "Mom, I hear you every day, every night.  I am so with you.  I know what you wrote in my letter, I understand...I understand...I understand...I understand.."

He showed Patty a large shamrock.  Patty said Maris said "Please draw the shamrock."  She also saw a shillelagh and the Blarney Stone. She asked if we are Irish, or if we are planning a trip to Ireland.  She says Maris wants for us to go to Ireland, and is doing everything possible to make it a reality.  He says "GO!"  

Patty asked Maris again "Did anyone do anything to you?" and he said "No."  

She asked him "Did you take your own life?" and he said "Yes."  

She asked him, "Was the military at fault?" and he said "No, not really."  

She asked "Do we need to get an attorney? Should there be a lawsuit?   

to which he answered "No, no, no.  Mom, I am responsible for my own actions, it was my choice.  Listen to me!  I am responsible, I am so sorry, I never meant to.  I felt like I could not live up to certain things."  Patty said Maris was in pain, he just wanted the pain to stop.

He says "Please understand --I've had to do my soul review--I know all that now--I was depressed--I am different now--I just wanted the pain to stop.  I couldn't live up to what I thought people wanted me to be."
He felt he had to be what others wanted him to be.  He tried to fit in, and be all he could be--he bought into that and could not meet those expectations.  

He said, "Am I happy?  no...but I am at peace, and i need you to know that.  I have the best of the best around me.  Jesus came and guided me.  And Mother Mary held me in her arms and told me I was safe."

Patty asked if there was an autopsy.  She saw no drugs.

Patty thinks Maris was bipolar, and asked me if he was ever checked for dopamine levels, etc.  She says in hindsight with proper meds he might have overcome thbe depression .  But Maris says "It is what it is.  You did nothing wrong.  In no way are you at fault."

Patty could tell Maris was involved with computers

He said there was a girl who broke up  with him.  He said "I was devastated."  He really, really cared for her, and could not believe it dissolved.  Patty said he could not overcome this deep darkness.

Maris talked about a ring that he wants to give to Philip, and a medallion that he wants Alex to have.  Patty was not exactly sure what this was.  It might be a badge, tags, or something else.  He says it is something I need to pass along to them.  

She also says I need to let go of his stuff because i spend too much time inhaling the aroma of his clothes.

Well, I will try.  But it may take a while.

So that was what I recorded about my reading with Patty.

I should have asked more questions of Maris about his experiences, and not so many about thinhgs I wanted to know that he might have the answer to....

I should have asked about the police.  And gotten a couple names.

I asked Patty what does it mean when I wake up in the middle of the night, and feel very bad very down, and am unable to fall back  asleep?  She said when that happens to her, she gets up and sits in a certain chair and gives spirit some special alone time.  sometimes she falls back asleep.

I asked her how I can best help Maris now.  She said to help him by talking to him.  Every day, ask God to use light for the highest good, take the love and use it for the highest good.

Then Patty's timer rang, and that was the end of the reading.

I hope to go back to Patty some time, now that I know what it is like to be read by a medium.











Sunday, March 6, 2011

Yesterday At LightSource

We visited Light Source Church on March 5 because we wanted to see their presentation by a girl named Kendall, whose sister Hillary  took her own life 3 years ago when Kendall was 9 years old and her sister was 12.  Kendall wrote a book about her experiences, and her mom started a foundation called Hilary's Hope.


It was interesting to see how people deal with suicide, and how they respond to it. 


 Rev. Patty Lekawa shared some statistics about suicide, which is the third leading cause of death among young people.  Third is pretty high.  Patty refers to it as an epidemic, and something needs to be done.  

The presentation seemed to be more about education, awareness, and prevention.  But it also offered some comfort to survivors by explaining that the decision to take one's own life may be a necessary part of that soul's journey, and an agreement made before they incarnated.  It is very important that the person must not be judged or condemned in any way for their decision.   

Patty  played two music videos that portrayed different aspects of the experience..  The first one was How Do You Get That Lonely by Blaine Larsen.  


The other video was F**kin' Perfect by Pink.  

Two different outcomes.

The Tunnel of Healing was also very powerful.  Not a good idea to resist the urge to allow the energy to knock you down, because you end up with a crick in your neck.  The alternative is to allow trained helpers to catch you before you hit the floor. 


There were no  messages for us, and we were really tired by the time we left at 11:45 pm.  But I dreamed about Maris that night.  He was very little in the dream, which seemed to be about rediscovering and sorting toys from when they were children.  He was playing with a white plastic toy stroller with lavender and pink flowers on it.  It had been purchased for him to help him learn to walk better.  when I work up, I realized we never had such a toy, although we did own a white and blue toy stroller that was decorated with a smurf.  I do not recall who we purchased it for...perhaps the daycare?  as it had come from a resale shop.  They used to enjoy putting their stuffed animals in it for a ride.


The meaning of the dream?  not readily apparent.  But I hope it will come to me.