Gayle Mack

Our friend Gayle, who lives in Georgia, visited Chicago this past weekend to spend time with Olivia and me. We have not seen Gayle since 1993, when we were all together for the first time in Chicago. We celebrated an early Samhain together on October 23, and the next morning Gayle did a wonderful healing on Ray and me to help us move beyond the deep grief we feel at the loss of Maris into a state where we can feel joy and gratitude when we think of him.

The healinbg was an amazing experience. Several times in the course of the healing, I became dizzy; and a couple times, my body seemed to disappear so I could not feel anything from the neck down. This indicated a moment of re-integration during which my various physical and neural systems tried to re-set themselves. Our souls had become fragmented from the trauma of what happened to Maris, and Gayle helped us put ourselves back together.

A lot happened during the healing, and there is a still a lot for us to process. But we are doing what we can to heal ourselves, and are more grateful than we can ever express to the dear people who are helping us in so many ways.

Healing

One of the nurses who took care of Maris in the intensive care neonatal nursery was Native American, and really devoted to her traditional wisdom. She encouraged me to use my Rescue Remedy on Maris when he was under the bili lights in the warming box. When she sensed how inadequate I felt caring for him ,and wondering what he needed from me, she said Maris would be source of healing for me.

When I remember that, it reminds me I need to embrace everything about Maris, including all his choices for himself. Maris's heart and soul were very wise. Perhaps through many lifetimes, he had chosen a difficult path not understood by many, which was intended to awaken them. The purppose of The Way of the Cross is to bring enlightenment (salvation) through suffering. It is possible that Maris suffered through many of his lifetimes.

Sometimes the most powerful medicine is the bitterest.

It is strong and powerful, and the flavor lets us know: "heads up, here I come!" get ready to be healed.

Did Maris suffer to redeem himself? or to redeem the rest of us?

If we did not recognize and accept the tresure he offered us while he was alive, he will continue to help us from the spirit world; and we need to accept the gift now.

I spent all of November and December wanting to be with Maris. I will get my wish sooner or later, when the time is right.

If Maris had not left us the way he did, we would be none the wiser. We would have breathed sighs of relief, thinking we were off the hook and he had solved all his problems. We would continue to walk in ignorance telling ourselves all was well. We would have continued to be rewarded for living in unconsciousness and illusion. When Maris left this world, even if the healing and the awakening had not taken place by then, they are certainly happening now...at least for me.

Sometimes it takes an enormous wake up call of this nature....people have to lose their dearest treasure before they stiop loiving in denial and start healing themselves.

Maris had to do this for us any way he could.

In a sense that is very difficult to understand, even though Maris's life was a treasure beyond belief, his death can provide a gift of healing that is of even more inestimable value. I do not need to make the same mistake over and over. I accept whatever treasure Maris chooses to offer to me, in whatever form. I needed to focus on that now. I want him to be able to come through to me; I want him to be able to fulfill his destiny.

This world is a vale of tears It is not real,. It is not our true home. Some day those of us who loved Maris will be with him again.

Sometimes it is really hard to wake up; and sometimes the remedy hurts more than the sickness.

Accept wholeness and healing now.

Flower and Gem Remedies

I could have sent him Chestnut Bud to help with the anguish...I could have sent Mustard to help with the gloom....I could have sent Cherry Plum to help with the fear of loss of control and the mind giving way...I could have sent Gorse for hopelessness and despair...I could have sent Mimulus for social phobia...I could have sent Rescue Remedy....

I could have sent a piece of Black Tourmaline.

Why didn't I?

What is wrong with me?

Why didn't I know?