They are talking about moths on NPR.
what a horror!
I have a moth phobia. My skin is now crawling. Maybe I should just turn off the radio.
At one point Maris was diagnosed with a social phobia. Is a social phobia like a moth phobia in quality? Do you sweat at the mere thought of having to deal with people?
I used to have that problem. I was terrified of people. People told me I was shy. I think shyness and social phobia are 2 different things.
Mom said I was unkind to people. I just wished people would leave me alone; Is that shyness? or is it social phobia? or is it simply a matter of bad character?
Maybe Maris and I went through life thinking we were bad when we merely had a social phobia.
I kept telling him that what makes a person good or bad is not what goes through their mond, or what they feel, but the choices they make.
If you have a social phobia, or if you have dysthymia, do you really have free will? what can you choose or not choose?
Not sure when I finally overcame my terror of people. Maybe I just got so used to it I stopped thinking about it. I will never be gregarious. But at least I can sort of function around people better than I could when I was a little kid.
And I certainly do wish the best for people. Being terrified of people is not at all the same as wishing them harm.
I have good intentions towards people, and I know Maris did, too.
I am sad that I passed along defective genes to Maris. The last thing I wished for him was to have to go through what I went through growing up. But it was even worse.
Showing posts with label Falling through the cracks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Falling through the cracks. Show all posts
Friday, February 5, 2010
Friday, December 18, 2009
Falling Through the Cracks
Why was Maris so good at falling through the cracks?
He was quiet and did not talk much. He did not react to things in an obvious way. He seldom asked for anything.
People took advantage of the way he was.
The loud disruptive kids got all the attention.
In 8th grade, every time Maris did somethjing that his teachers found disturbing, such as carving messages into his skin, his psychiatrist would increase the dosage of the Zoloft he had been prescribed. Maris did not open up. so they increased his meds.
Why did everyone do this to him? Maybe Joan is right. Maybe there has been a curse on Maris all along.
He was quiet and did not talk much. He did not react to things in an obvious way. He seldom asked for anything.
People took advantage of the way he was.
The loud disruptive kids got all the attention.
In 8th grade, every time Maris did somethjing that his teachers found disturbing, such as carving messages into his skin, his psychiatrist would increase the dosage of the Zoloft he had been prescribed. Maris did not open up. so they increased his meds.
Why did everyone do this to him? Maybe Joan is right. Maybe there has been a curse on Maris all along.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Maris Michael Butta, Senior Airman, son of Raymond and Deena, nee Weglarz; brother of Alexander and Philip Butta. A 2006 graduate of Gordon Tech High School, Maris was a member of the 8th Intel squadron in the U.S. Air Force at Hickam Air Force Base in Hawaii. He was decorated with the Air Force Achievement Medal and earned the following awards: Air Force Organizational Excellence Award, the Air Force Good Conduct Medal, the National Defense Service Medal, the Global War on Terror Service Medal and the Air Force Training Ribbon. In lieu of flowers, memorial donation to the Wounded Warrior Project, 7020 A.C. Skinner Pkwy., Suite 100, Jacksonville, FL 32256. Visitation Monday, 3 to 9 p.m., and Tuesday, 9 a.m., until time of service, 10 a.m., at Smith-Corcoran Funeral Home, 6150 N. Cicero Ave., Chicago. Interment St. Adalbert Cemetery.