Maris Comes Home The First Time

This picture of Maris was taken right before he came home from the hospital.

He was born on November 16, 1987. I do not remember the due date any more; but I remember that he was supposed to have been a Pisces. Instead he was a Scorpio.

When he was in the intgensive care nursery, he slept a lot. The other preemies seemed to always be awake. But Maris was always asleep. Maybe he missed me, and slept to avoid dealing with it. I came to the hospital to see him every few days, but I was not there every day because Alek was little and we had only one car back then. I should have found a way to be with Maris more. Ray would visit Maris on his way home from work sometimes.

Maris was allowed to come home in January, right before Alek turned three on January 17. He seemed so happy to be home, and he loved to be carried. He weighed only 4 1/2 lb when he came home. He was still one month premature, even though he was 2 months old.

We were so glad when he was finally able to come home. We thought it meant things would finally be normal.

But the hospital insisted we had to keep Maris on an apnea monitor, which would set off an alarm if he ever stopped breathing. The alarm went off constantly because it was overly sensitive. It was horrible. There was no way it could have been comfortable for Maris. During the day, I kept Maris close to me or in an infant carrier so that I did not have to rely on the blasted monitor. I was thrilled when we were finally told we could stop using the darn apnea monitor.

The hospital also insisted we had to give him a medication called Theophylline. He hated it. It was nasty and bitter, and made him throw up. Theophylline was a medication used by people with asthma, to help them keep breathinig. They were afraid he might stop breathing because his lungs were not yet completely matured. Theyt had to do blood tests to make sjure he had the proper theophylline levels. when the levels got too high, he became irritable.

We really did put Maris through so much torment just to keep him alive. To top it off, I accidentally let it slip to his pediatrician that I liked to hold him at night while we both slept. It made him happy, and he slept well.

she told me she hoped I wouldl never do that again, because I could accidentally roll over and suffocate him.

It was a long haul. I know we must have had some happy moments, but some of these horror stories keep going round and round in my mind.

There are so many things I would do differently, if I had a second chance.

Preemie Maris

Maris was born three months early, at 28 weeks gestation.

This picture was taken when he was about a month old....but still 2 months premature. You can see the bandages and a couple tubes. I was not permitted to nirse him because they said he would use more calories to nurse, than he would take in. So they fed him through a little tube that went through his mouth into his tummy.

I felt so sorry that I was unable to nurse Maris. Everything they did to save his life seemed to interfere with our bonding experience. I had nursed both his brothers. I used to pump my milk and bring it to the nursery so they could feed it to Maris through the tiny tubes.

Maris had skin in this picture. When he was born, he was all red because he still did not have all his layers of skin.

He had a perfect Apgar score of 10. He was only about a foot long but I could hear him crying. The doctor was hoping Maris would weigh at least one pound. He weighed 2 lb 12 oz but since much of that was water, he went down to 2 lb.

He looked like E.T. I remember wondering if he would always look like that.

They wrapped him up like a mummy and put on his little hat as soon as he came out into the world, and whisked him off to the intensive care nursery. I only had time to give him a quick kiss before he went. I could see his eyes through the swaddling; they were a bit askew because they had already put in the drops.

When I think of all the totment Maris had to endure just to live, I feel very sad.

I could not be with him every day because for the first week or 2, I tried as much as possible to stay off my feet because I kept bleeding. Finally I had to return to the hospital for a D&C, which finally fixed that problem.