Miscellaneous Feelings and Questions

The last few days have been very rough.

I have lost my greatest treasure. I have failed at what was most important.

I can't begin to describe how much I miss Maris.

There is a huge empty space inside.

I am working on healing the guilt.

Tha anger is harder to deal with. I have a huge amount of anger at the mental health facility where Maris made an appointment on October 22. Why did they let him leave, when he left all the questions about suicide blank?

And of course, the Honolulu Police Department. If they had not been involved, Maris might still be here.

(Of course we would none of us be any the wiser...or would we?...so the ticking bomb might still be there...or maybe not?.....)

We have received so many moving condolences and expressions of grief from people whose lives Maris touched, and who miss him.

But f rom the two guiltiest parties.....who were in the biggest position to help...and who were possibly among the most responsible,...the HPD and the mental health facility...not a single apology...and not a single regret...not even a polite expression of sympathy.

Maris was over 18, so no one was required to call me. But if they had....would it have saved his life?