Prenatal Experiences

Alexander was born on January 17, 1985. In autumn of 1985 I accidentally got pregnant with twin girls. (Because I was still nursing Alek, I did not think I was fertile. But apparently mu hormone levels had dropped.)

I did not know I had an incompetent cervix. I had a miscarriage at 20 weeks gestation in January 1986, and the baby girls died.

After that. my body was really messed up for about a year. I felt tired, my cycles were off, I had a black mark on my cheek, and was unable to get pregnant again..

I visited the Chicago Women's Health Collective (in Links Hall at Clark and Sheffield) trying to recover. They worked with my energy meridians using acupuncture and moxibustion, and fed me nourishing herbs and vitamins. I told them my goal was to be able to get pregnant again. Perhaps it would have been wiser to tell them my health goal was to become totally healthy.

In spring of 1987 I got pregnant with Maris. When I told the doctors at CWHC I thought I was pregnant, they insisted it was not possible because my body was still too messed up. But the pregnancy test was positive, so I very stupidly stopped going to them, partly because it was getting to be very costly in terms of time and money, and partly because I thought the fact that I had become pregnant meant I was OK.

Why did Maris come to someone as messed up as I was? what was the nature of the karmic connection between Maris and me?

Ray and I had health coverage through a very unsatisfactory plan called Compass HMO.

Our primary care physician was at Columbus Hospital. My ObGyn was Matthew
Ahranjani. He had attended me through the miscarriage of the twins, and thought that the miscarriage had occurred because it is not uncommon for women carrying twins to miscarry.

When I got pregnant with Maris, Dr. Ahranjani did not treat me as high-risk. But at 20 weeks. I began to feel truly lousy. I now know that is because I was in early labor; but I did not realize it at the time.

When I got up one morning and noticed I was leaking amniotic fluid, I panicked and called Dr. Ahranjani to say I was rushing to the emergency room of Columbus Hospital. There, my cervix was stitched up using cerclage and I was put on total bed rest.

The membranes were bulging through the opening of the cervix, and I was not permitted to get up even for trips to the bathroom. In addition, I was put on an extremely dangerous drug called Ritodrine, to stop labor. It had a bad effect on my heart rate, and possibly my glaucoma. I wondered what effect it was having on Maris.

The HMO kept calling every day to see if I was still in the hospital. They pressured my doctor to send me home because it was expensive keeping me there. He tried to keep me in the hospital because he felt it was very dangerous to send me home. But he was getting very annoyed at the HMO and they way they interfered with the treatment he wanted for me.

I was sent home, and we basically turned our house into a hospital room. It was a very bad experience. Every few hours when the Ritodrine wore off, I felt the contractions starting again. I was in constant fear of miscarriage. I was so fearful and worried that I was not able to enjoy the pregnancy with Maris the way I had enjoyed being pregnant with Alek.

My husband and my elderly mother cared for me, helped with bedpans, etc. It was horrible. It was like being in a nursing home only worse because in a nursing home, you do not live in constant fear of losing your baby.

One day I woke up and noticed pale blood stains on the sheets. I freaked out again, and called the emergency room. There was something wrong with my placenta, and they re-admitted me to the hospital.

I tried communing with Maris, but it was hard because I had a very hard time relaxing enough to commune.

I was in the hospital that time for a couple days before Maris was born. The doctor who was covering for Dr. Ahranjani broke my water. He pretended he was checking to see how much I was dilated, but I knew he was messing with my cervix because of the pain. He had called in all the interns and residents to witness this "examination." Were they all taken in by this lie? I ran into one of the interns a few weeks later, and I did not think fast enough. I should have spoken with her at length about this experience, and ased her if she knew the doctor was NOT examining me but rather breaking my water. At the time, I was taken by surprise and was not thinking quickly. Afterwards I felt it was incredibly stupid of me not to have at least taken her name. she was glad I was OK and the baby was OK. I wonder if she knew the truth about the doctor.

Was he motivated to get his friend, Dr. Ahranjani, off the hook with Compass HMO? why did he do this to me? why did he do this to Maris? why? he is a monster. I wish I could remember his name. m I would broadcast the truth about him to the entire universe.

Maris was born a few hours later, and became the responsibility of th e Intensive Care Nursery at Columbus Hospital.